Thursday, December 9, 2010

This year

**Please let me start by saying I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my last post.  I had simply planned on talking about how 28 and I aren't friends...yet...and my goals for this coming year, but instead, it unleashed a fury of junk I've been keeping inside.  Granted, I've been wanting to write a post about how badly I want to be pregnant again, and a post about the financial aftermath of loosing a child and how they coincide.  I just hadn't planned on doing it there.  Not that anyone has said that they are, but, again, I apologize if I offended anyone.  I promise that was not ever my intent.  The hubs thinks it was a bit harsh.  And he's probably right.  I'm generally not that blunt.  I assure you it was not about anyone in particular.  The "you" I was referring to wasn't actually you {my readers}...simply a blanket statement, generic "you".  Again, I'm seriously sorry if anyone was offended or hurt or felt attacked in anyway**

Okay, so my goals for this year.

We were at lunch Sunday celebrating mine and a friend's birthday when he {bday friend} turned to me and asked what all God had been doing in my life this past year and what I wanted to see happen next year.  It was funny that he asked because I had just been thinking about that very thing in the shower that morning.  This past year God has shown me a lot about trusting him {you'd think I'd have that one down by now...} and that even when my world seems so unsure and change is all around that he is still there.  I say you'd think I'd have the whole trusting God thing down by now, but the thing with trust is there are always new levels of trust.  I may completely trust in one area but struggle in another.  That doesn't mean that I trust any less in the first.  It simply means I am human.  I. am. human.  And I have a dependency on something greater than myself.  I have to rely on God.  And for that I am thankful.  So while I may get annoyed sometimes that I don't trust God more, he is showing me through that weakness that I can't do this thing called life on my own.  I am only human and without him, I am nothing.  He is teaching me to be thankful for my weaknesses, because through them HE is made stronger in me!  {None of this should be used as excuses though.  We should always try to better our weaknesses.  The whole "but I'm only human" excuse is lame.  But I'm sure you knew that.  *grin* When used as an excuse, it typically means we are looking for justification for our sins.  We are looking for ways to feel okay about giving into our flesh.  Christ called us to die to our flesh, and that my friends, is a daily and sometimes hourly process.}

So what about this year?  What are my goals? Dreams? Hopes and desires?

Well some of them are pretty basic.  Like get back in shape.  Not the New Year's Resolution type get back in shape where I'll fizzle out in 3 weeks time.  But for real.  I've gained XX pounds {Ha! Like I'd actually say how much! ;)} since being married and I'm SO over it.  So over it.  I'm tired of feeling horrible about myself and I'm desperately ready for change.  What am I going to do about it?  Well, we are eating, holidays=horrible time to try and change your diet.  But we are trying.  We are also purchasing an elliptical.  I have awful joints so running is out of the question.  I'm excited to go and pick it up sometime this week!  Another one...have a baby.  Before I turn 29.  I realize that only leaves a few months to get pregnant and I'm hoping the Lord sees fit.  I also realize that this will put a bit of a damper on the whole losing weight thing.  Luckily for me, I lose weight during my pregnancies and only gain a few pounds over all.  *grin*  {Not that I would try to lose weight while pregnant.  That would be silly.}  Let's see, another is to continue working towards paying down our debt.  We recently just paid off 2 pretty large debts.  We still have 3 credit cards and all of our medical debt.  We are working on a pretty strict budget right now and will hopefully make some pretty good leeway over the next year.  I will be so glad when this burden is lifted!  It's a heavy, heavy burden and I'm so sick of it.  Hmm, what else?  I want to become more organized with my house and time.  Watching kids all day makes it tricky as far as the house is concerned, but I'm determined.  Scott and I both have two weeks off for Christmas, so I'm hoping to declutter and reorganize everything...and sell a ton on Craigslist!  You should see our garage.  Not pretty.  

Okay, now spiritually.  I want to read through the entire Bible in a year.  I've never done it and it's about time.  I also want to find a children's Bible.  We have one, sorta, well, not really.  It has Bible stories in it and it works for now.  But McKinnley

I am thankful for a new year and the change it brings.  I was thinking about change the other day.  And how often, change comes in the form of the road less traveled.  Most of the time I think we tend to think of this as a somewhat scary road.  I mean, it's less traveled, so who knows what could be lurking around the corner.  But remember earlier when I said I was thinking about all of this in the shower?  Hears the picture that came to mind.  A small, winding, country road covered in snow.  On either side of the road are huge barren trees that create a canopy over the path.  Its a beautiful scene.  And not just because of the quaint, picturesque quality it holds.  It's all in the snow.  See, this little road is untraveled, leaving the snow beautiful and unmarked.  There are no footprints, no tire tracks.  Simplistic beauty in it's rawest form.  So, even though it's an unknown path {a road less traveled} it's majestic all on it's own.  Sometimes when God is taking us through change, he leads us to the road less traveled.  And most of the time he leads us down unknown paths.  Instead of fretting over the fact that we don't know where we are going, what we are doing and that we can't clearly see the road in front of us or where it leads, we should step back and soak in the majesty of the moment.  Change can be beautiful, especially when we let God take the lead.  So step out and be the first to make footprints in the snowy path.  Embrace every moment of the change.  Feel the soft crunch of snow beneath your feet.  Dance and twirl like a little child.  Make snow angels and snowmen.  And for goodness sakes throw a snowball or 2.  Know that God will be there with you every step of the way.  Embrace it.  Enjoy it.  You'll be glad you did.

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