Thursday, April 8, 2010

One month from today...

My sweet girl will turn {TWO} !!

Two. Seriously, I can't believe she will be two. She has grown up WAY too fast and it makes my heart sad. Don't get me wrong, I love every bit of watching her grow and learn, but good grief, somebody give me a pause button! Even if it's just for a moment, I wish I could freeze time and hold on to these precious moments with her that I will never get back.

Moments in time take on new meanings when death has so rudely stolen them from you in the past. I never got these moments with Ellianna. My heart aches and longs for the memory of what could be: watching them play, interact, and even fight. It's amazing how much I wish I could sit them both in time out for pulling each others hair or hitting each other. :::grin::: I always wonder how different McKinnley would be if Ellianna were still alive. Would she be as strong-willed? {stubborn?} Would she be as bossy? Ornry? Or silly? All things I wonder, but all things that are completely irrelavant. It doesn't matter what could have been, because the fact is, it isn't. It isn't any of these things. And God knew this is how it would be. That's a hard concept to swallow. And as much as I wish Elli was here, McKinnley is exactly how she is supposed to be....and I love it! She is truly an amazing little girl with her ornry, silly, bossy, stubborn, strong-willed, independant, shy-yet-center of attention, loving, funny, sweet, caring, crazy, smart, care-free self. I wouldn't trade a second of it for the world!

I love you McKinnley Grace, but do me a favor, will ya? Slow down and stop growing up so fast!!

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